SHATTER is a story about Rosilyn Piccolo, squatter kid extraordinaire, who unravels the mystery of her immortal boyfriend's disappearance with the help of an eclectic group of wharf-rat-wannabes and an ancient iron skillet. This is the opening.
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Rosilyn Piccolo anchored her feet on the fringe of the alley and held the rock with a tight fist. Ahead, cloaked in light that emanated down from the lamppost, a sculptured lawn carpeted the ground surrounding the back porch of the house. Nothing physically separated Rosilyn from the yard, or her from the house, but still, she hesitated.
Otto stood beside her, his gaze roaming through the dark alley. They had just finished their night shift at the Carbonics Plant, and the night had not ended well. Not that it ever did, but she wouldn't mind if just once work concluded with good news, or no news at all. She breathed heavily, wishing she were home, but the delay seemed fitting, considering.
You had me at ancient iron skillet. Snappy snippet...I love it. Good luck with the subbing!!
ReplyDeleteSounds intriguing. I just want to know why she's carrying a rock and clinging to the shadows. Great hook! Good luck shopping this one around. I predict it will find a home quickly!
ReplyDeleteGreat title, snippet and character-name. Like TK, I love it. That premise is fantastic and I love getting a feel for the world and character.
ReplyDeleteOoh! Great scene. Very nicely done!
ReplyDeleteStanding at the edge of a yard, rock in hand, waiting. Sets an immediate cool mood and then sprinkle in more interesting details - and for some reason the iron skillet drew me in also - like T.K. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteNice opening.
ReplyDeleteGreat start!
ReplyDeletePulled me in!
ReplyDeleteGreat beginning. Can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteVery nice! I'd read on!
ReplyDelete(And I love the bit about the ancient iron skillet in the blurb!)
Great scene-setter. Lots of information without feeling like it. Definitely intrigued me. I look forward to next week.
ReplyDeleteGood hook - immediately grabs the reader and doesn't let go. Enough to make the reader wonder "what's going on?" and "what is it about the carbonics plant?"; and even "why is there no mention of an iron skillet...?"
ReplyDeleteA mystery with an iron skillet. Hmmm. This makes me wonder why they are just standing there looking. What danger are they worrying about? Has to be something scary enough to pick up a rock as a weapon. :-)
ReplyDeleteGood luck querying Shatter!
ReplyDelete